Joke Section
Actual Newspaper Headlines...

  1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
  5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
  7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  8. Stud Tires Out
  9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  10. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
  11. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
  12. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
  13. Eye Drops off Shelf
  14. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  15. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  16. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
  17. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  18. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  19. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  20. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
  21. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
  22. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  23. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
  24. War Dims Hope for Peace
  25. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  26. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  27. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  29. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  30. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  31. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  32. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft



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